Friday, October 13, 2017

And yet they can never remember what they've done with their shoes

There is what appears to be a new doctor's office under construction along a road we often take to get home.  We don't know what it is going to be, but it has the look of a medical practice or something along those lines.  Twice in the last week we have passed by it (usually when I am alone with the kids in the car because Ryan doesn't have quite the same appreciation for potty talk as I do, or at least he quashes it in an effort to support what he likely perceives to be my thoughts on the subject) the kids have announced as we passed the new building "There's the P*ENIS DOCTOR!"

The first time it happened I kind of snickered and let them have their fun.  Until we were a couple of miles down the road and still every other word out of their mouth was P*ENIS.

Drawing on knowledge gained from nearly eleven years of parenting, several parenting classes, and a variety of books on the subject, I said calmly and firmly "OK, everyone.  When I count to three you are all going to yell P*ENIS one last time and then I don't want to hear it again for the rest of the day."

I counted to three and you can imagine that all hell broke loose.  Mary was the loudest of them all.  But we were all happy and laughing when we got home.

Today we passed the same building.  I was, again, by myself with the kids.  Like clockwork, they started shrieking with laughter about the "p*enis doctor" as soon as we rounded the corner.

Trying not to giggle I asked the kids why on EARTH they thought that the new building was going to be a p*enis doctor.  "I don't even think that's a real thing!" I exclaimed (slash lied).

They dissolved into fits.  "YOU told us it is going to be a p*enis doctor!!"  It was more than they could bear.  James developed hiccups so violent I thought he might dry heave.

I expressed confusion and surprise.

And THEN, ALL OF THEM said in a mocking falsetto voice, TURNING MY OWN WORDS AGAINST ME "Oh, great, another doctor's office.  I swear, the only thing they will ever build on this road is banks, car washes, and p*enis doctors!  At least [adjacent neighborhood] gets a freaking McDonalds!"

James, completely missing the point, "And MOM, you don't even LIKE McDonalds!"

I think I remember that conversation now.  It was one of those, what we like to call, *front seat* conversations that NO MATTER WHAT ELSE IS GOING ON, they manage to hear and commit to memory with STARTLING ACCURACY.