Tuesday, August 8, 2017

Dispatch from testosterone-land

OH MY GOSH YOU GUYS RE-ENTRY IS BAD BAD BAD.

Today I am taking my three boys plus one friend boy to a WATERPARK by myself.  It opens at noon, so in a few minutes I am going to gather them and run to Target for lunch boxes and other random school necessities (like beer) and then we are going to go to Torchy's for lunch so we can be standing at the gate when they open at noon.  School starts tomorrow, so we are pulling out all the stops today.

But still.  Four boys.  Target.  Lunch.  WATERPARK.  Lord, hear my prayer.

A couple of randoms before I go...

On the plane home, we sat in two rows.  Charley, Wes, and Mary were behind James and me.  Also in my row was a man who told me excitedly that his wife and two children were seated in another part of the plane, so it should be a quiet flight for him.

WHAT A FUNNY MAN.

Highlights included James fourteen bathroom trips, my repeated need to hiss instructions to the other kids by putting my mouth three inches from his ear and yelling between the seats.  Mary screaming with indignation every time her headphones came off.  Me hanging my entire body over my middle seat to help her adjust her seatbelt, put her headphones back on, and open her applejuice can.

But I'd say the best moment in the flight for him was after they turned the seatbelt sign on.  Mary started screaming, like SCREAMING, and I had to give him a brief lap dance as I propelled myself out of my seat, quickly threw all the debris off Wes's tray table, and sat next to Mary.

Did I mention that we got up at ONE O'CLOCK IN THE MORNING to drive to Boston to get on the flight?  And Mary went to bed at TEN?  And did not sleep in the car OR the plane?  It was ugly.

...

I wore sandals and went barefoot pretty much the entire time we were in Maine, so my heels are so disgusting that they act like the scratchy part of Velcro.  A random sock stuck to my foot the other day and it stayed there as I walked across an entire room.

...

This morning we went to the kids' school to find out who their teachers are and to get our pickup pass.  After several minutes of polite chatting with the office staff, Wes volunteered that he'd gotten to cross something off his bucket list.  The woman asked "Oh yeah?  What was on your bucket list?"  Wes smiled and said excitedly: "SKINNYDIPPING!"

...

The boys are all back inside.  I offered them a candy bar each in exchange for taking out the trash and washing out our disgusting trash can.  It was music to my ears hearing them working at the large trashcan below the window by my desk, screaming and yelling about the how gross it was.  Then they took turns spraying it with the hose.  #happymemories

So that means it is time to locate our bathing suits and get this party started.

Updated to add: after ignoring the background noise of four boys messing around with who knows what, Wes came running upstairs.  I was about to tell him to give me a few more minutes when he exclaimed "CHARLEY BROUGHT MAGGOTS INSIDE."  NOPE.


1 comment:

Chiconky said...

You're awesome and this made me laugh out loud. Enjoy all the beers.