So, after spending a wonderful but not at all relaxing weekend away we returned home to jump right back into simultaneously, the first days of school back after Spring Break and a major home remodel. We like to confuse and overwhelm the kids as much as possible when we can. So Monday while I was at work, movers came and took everything out of our house and put it in the garage. Including the fridge, the washer and dryer, and the range. The kids ran around in the empty living room (hilarious! I went to the store and when I came home Wes exclaimed "Papa let me ride my bike in the house!" and James said "ME TOO!!") and I cheerfully made school lunches on our remaining square foot of counter space, taking trips back and forth to the garage for food.
The next morning we had a super-fun breakfast picnic on the tile. Bye bye tile!
And when I came home from work Tuesday afternoon EVERYTHING WAS GONE. Our disgusting carpet, on which we have potty trained three children, GONE. Ryan's nice tile job in the kitchen (which I loved and he hated), GONE. The gross vinyl in the laundry room, GONE. The only thing that remained was the tile in the foyer which according to the floor guys, had been set in CONCRETE rather than thinset, which is one way to slap a house together in six weeks, YAY SUBURBIA.
That night I gamely made the kids some stouffer's mac and cheese and cut up some fruit, which we ate on the picnic table on the back porch because just because we have no appliances or furniture doesn't mean we have to eat every meal out, pssshhht.
We had another breakfast picnic on Wednesday morning. This is fun! This is fun fun fun.
Wednesday was the day they went after the tile in the foyer with a jackhammer thing and also the day they covered the entire house in a thick layer of dust such that it looked like the eruption of Mount Vesuvius.
Wednesday was also the day that the five of us came home after an afternoon at a friend's house, prepared to dutifully nuke another delightful Stouffer's product to be eaten on the back porch, to find this thing on the floor directly in front of the stairs, along with multiple piles of dusty rubble and two shop vacs the size of small tool sheds. GONE were both my entryway tile and resolve to continue eating dinner at home!! WHO WANTS TO GO TO DOUBLE DAVES?
I managed to troop everyone past all the fascinating death traps and up into the master bedroom where we played video games until it was an appropriate time to go to dinner. Most kids would be excited to go to Double Dave's for dinner in the middle of the week, but mine demonstrated their feelings by a) refusing to get in the car, b) refusing to get out of the car, c) complaining loudly and throwing cups when I told them they would be having water instead of fountain drinks, and d) unleashing what I call the "primal scream" when a brother needed to get by to exit the booth.
James screamed so loud his entire body started shaking. Wes had such a tantrum that I had to leave Mary sitting in Charley's lap near the door of the restaurant then walk back to the car to sling him over my shoulder. I couldn't even threaten to take them home because home was a Vesuvian wasteland littered with limb-removing power tools!! It was SO SPECIAL. After that we dropped Wes off at choir and went home to find the workers back inside, cleaning up the rubble and packing away the death tool.
Thursday. Enough said.
Thursday afternoon I frantically graded exams until five o'clock then hastily picked up Mary and James and drove across town to a burger restaurant with a playground to meet my mom, who had taken Charley and Wes to the aquarium after school. We played for a few hours until it was bedtime and then Ryan took the kids home while I went to a second restaurant to meet my monthly meetup friends. I was excited to go home after that because that was they day they were going to be spraying the color on the floor. I opened the door with great anticipation to find... not what I was expecting. It was SO WEIRD looking, which the guy had told me to expect, but I hadn't been exactly prepared for. I took off my shoes as instructed and carefully picked my way through the house to the stairs. Ryan and I carefully avoided eye contact and any mention of floors and went to bed.
The next morning the contractor was on the porch as we herded all the children out the door for school. Ryan stayed behind to talk to him about our concerns while I did dropoff and headed to my lab. Drop off was a total cluster that day by the way and between the screaming kids and the stress about the floor I just about lost it. Thank goodness there was a catered board meeting in the classroom next to my lab because I stress-ate the heck out of some cinnamon rolls when no one was watching.
I stayed nervous all morning until I could finally leave then olympic-race walked all the way to my car and drove home to check it out. I nervously peeked in the door from the porch and IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I finally exhaled and thanked the contractor profusely. He said it would look even better after a second coat of wax and that we could walk on it by the afternoon. I went to my friend's house to change clothes and use the bathroom, did my olympic power walk, picked up the kids, and came home AND IT LOOKED GREAT. We had our normal Friday afternoon party on my neighbor's porch until Ryan brought home some Little Caesar's and we headed to my parents' for the night to avoid the noxious fumes of the drying floor wax. We had a great time with them, watching movies in sleeping bags and eating waffles.
Saturday my dad came back with us and we moved ALLL the furniture back in. When I say "we" I mean "Ryan and my dad" because I'm still supposed to be careful with the lifting. I mostly offered moral support and made sandwich and drink runs.
But you guys! LOOK. I am SO EXCITED about how it came out. Having hard floors everywhere means we can put the leaf in the kitchen table and put it in the dining room and ALL SIX OF US CAN SIT THERE COMFORTABLY.
Tonight we used the table for the first time (I made fried chicken) and it was JUST LIKE Downton Abbey. Seriously you guys, I practically needed walkie talkies to ask Ryan to pass the salad.
The best part was when Mary grew tired of her meal and started flinging handfuls of it over her shoulder, I WASN'T DYING ON THE INSIDE because all I had to do was sweep it up later! THIS IS REVOLUTIONARY. Also revolutionary, Ryan and I SAT ON THE COUCH after the kids went to bed instead of on our bed, which sounds romantic but with all of the computers and books and needlework projects is really just kind of a messy hassle. So YAY DOWNSTAIRS FURNITURE.
Next up we are adding some things to the kitchen and then I will swear off home improvement for the rest of my life because HOO BOY do we not have time for this even though the results are amazing and it is totally worth it.