You guys! I was schlepping the three bigger kids into the dentist office this morning when a woman approached me and said "This is so weird, I feel like I'm meeting a celebrity because--I READ YOUR BLOG!" I immediately forgot all about getting the kids back to the teeth-brushing station as I had planned (I lied lied lied and said that the kids ate breakfast in the car so as to cover up the fact that I actually FORGOT TO MAKE THEM BRUSH THEIR TEETH THE MORNING OF THEIR DENTIST APPOINTMENT) so that I could talk to my new friend who knew everything about me but then the hygienist came out and told me the kids could come back and the kids wouldn't get up from the couch and walk with me and I got all flustered and by the time I had physically forced the kids to stand up and follow directions she had walked back to the procedure room. I didn't even get her name!
The kids quickly settled into the dentist office, which is not hard considering there are iPads mounted on every available wall, movies playing on TVs dangling over the chairs, and more stickers than you can shake a stick at. When I say they settled in I mean that I immediately lost track of them. I walked back and forth between the sibling waiting room in the back and the two to three exam rooms they had the kids in at various moments always finding AT LEAST two children on any given pass. I left James at an iPad station only to find him twenty minutes later having xrays done. One minute Charley was lying on an exam table, spit bib in place, the next he kept evading me until I finally found him in a trancelike-state at an iPad station I didn't even know existed (but only after I knocked loudly on the bathroom door and bellowed "CHARLEY ARE YOU IN THERE?" only to hear a slightly irritated woman's voice respond "No he's not!").
The kids' teeth are fine, by the way. No cavities. Amazing really. Though the hygienist politely reminded me to help Wes get his back teeth because she found lots of "black chunks back there--maybe something he had for breakfast?" At the time I couldn't imagine what he might have eaten that had "black chunks" or even what kind of food might create "black chunks" in your mouth, but when I got home I found my stash of Trader Joe's chocolate covered shortbread star cookies EMPTY. Mystery solved.
Also. BLACK. CHUNKS. OMG WES.
James didn't love the cleaning but he was a trooper. When they asked him to "kiss the straw" suction thing to get the spit out he did a full on MMMMMMMMMMWAH kiss that was as adorable as it was ineffective.
Anyway, all the while I was hoping to bump into my mystery reader again. Finally I scribbled "Let's meet for coffee sometime!" with my email address on a piece of paper and asked someone to deliver it to her in the procedure room. We saw each other one more time on the way out. She was so nice!
Finally, FINALLY, laden with new toothbrushes, floss, toothpaste, balloons, stickers, tattoos, sugar free lollipops, and prize box treasures, we were allowed to leave. I was parked right next to the door and it took us fifteen minutes to get into the car. Five hundred feet from the parking lot James and Charley got into some kind of altercation over a sample of kiddie toothpaste which caused James to scream hysterically allllll the waaaaayyyy to school while I repeated inane things like "You need to calm your body down, James! James, this is inappropriate car behavior. You need to be quiet and respectful of the driver!" then, inevitably "JAMES STOP SCREAMING THIS SECOND OR I WILL BURY THE KINDLE IN THE YARD!!!"
James didn't stop screaming so I turned the radio up. At the next red light I checked the rear view mirror to find James red-faced and screaming, Charley snickering, and Wes brushing his teeth.
Six more months until we get to go back!!!!