Right after Ryan left to sell Cub Scout popcorn with Charley and Wes this afternoon, I put the little ones down for a simulnap (why did that used to be so elusive when Charley and Wes were the only ones? Now when I put James down, I put Mary in her crib too like "see you in a couple of hours!" and she is quiet!) ostensibly so I could get some laundry done, but PLEASE, how often do you get two quiet hours in your house ALONE with no "my kid is at daycare I should be working" guilt?
So after I became bored with the internet, which took about thirty minutes, I decided it was time to start getting in shape for the girls' weekend I have planned in mid-October. Yes, I realize I should have started about six months ago.
Since I couldn't go anywhere and it is like Mercury outside I decided to do a yoga video in my living room. Again, NO ONE WAS HOME! THIS NEVER HAPPENS!
The first step was to find the DVD. It took about five minutes of sorting though Disney/Pixar's entire 1985 to Present collection, my old Storm Chasing video from college, and a handful of duds from the library (including a highly disturbing non-musical animated version of Oliver Twist that the kids can't get enough of). I had multiple thoughts about how I should be spending this time cleaning out the TV cabinet instead of doing yoga, but then I remembered that thing Mary did to my abdominal muscles and decided I could spend forty-five minutes on myself, just this once.
DVD in hand, I set out to look for the remote for the DVD player. One thing that will never stop being annoying is the way you can't use DVD menus without the DVD remote, which is perpetually lost. This means that you can only keep pressing "play" and selecting the first option. This is fine for the kids, who don't mind watching Shrek in Espanol occasionally, but I really didn't want to do the pre-bed relax Yoga that comes up first on my DVD. I mean, I did, but, you know, ABS. So I took all the couch cushions off and found lots of pens and some empty water bottles but no remote. I finally hit paydirt when I took the cushions off the first of two club chairs on the other side of the coffee table.
So then I had the remote but no batteries.
The search for batteries took me to the garage where the box holding the original contents of our junk drawer (which fell apart under the strain of being an overpacked junk drawer) lives. I dug through layers of breastmilk storage bags, the glue gun, needles and thread, some scissors, and the camera charger.
I thought about how going through the layers was like digging through rock strata to examine historic geologic conditions. This made me think of paleoclimatology, which made me think of course that I should be getting some work done.
But then I found two elusive AA batteries near the bottom of the box. Hurray! I am saved from wasting a simulnap on WORK!
Fortunately the search for my yoga mat was much easier, but only because I had happened to be in the room the moment James wadded it up and shoved it behind a bookshelf in my room.
The final step was to move the following items out of the way to create a calm, Feng Shui appropriate space in which to practice yoga: The exersaucer, a rocking chair, a large plastic dinosaur, three string cheese wrappers, an empty yogurt tube, three diminutive sneakers, a froggy rain boot, a pair of children's underpants, my purse, my phone, and a onezie.
And after all of THAT, I began my workout. This is why I never work out.