Thursday, May 8, 2014

The Pants Saga

Charley had Piano Guild audition today after school so I packed up his music and a snack and some nice clothes to change into before going to get him at school.  Somehow we have slid backwards, kicking and screaming into this whole "overscheduled child" thing where once in a while we have back to back activities like this.  So I picked him up at school and pulled into the parking lot of a karate studio down the street so Charley could change into his nice clothes in the car.

Once he got his shirt on, which took about fifteen minutes because BUTTONS OMG, he started on the pants.

"I think this is the last time you'll be able to wear those pants!  They were alllll-most too tight the last time you wore them to church two weeks ago!" I said brightly, hoping he wouldn't freak out due to some irrational attachment to a nondescript pair of khaki pants.  This has been known to happen.  Much to my relief he laughed.

He kept laughing when he got his shorts off and realized that he was still wearing his T-rex jammie bottoms and had been wearing them under his shorts all day long at school.

"AT LEAST I WON'T BE NAKED IN THIS PARKING LOT!" he cackled from the back as he shoved his feet into the pants.

"These are really, really tight!  Are you sure these aren't James's pants?" he said.

"I know, just do the best you can" I encouraged, examining my cuticles and wondering if we would still be in this parking lot come dinnertime.

"It's just really hard to get dressed back here because of all the garbage."

"What garbage?"

"Confetti, some shoes, pants, a hamburger.  Garbage."

He started crawling over the middle row of seats, khaki pants half on, T-rex jammie bottoms sticking out over the top like the most adorable gangster you've ever seen.

"I think I'm going to need some help!" he screeched, laughing.

"Okay okay, they're not THAT bad!" I laughed from the front seat, turning around.

While he stood in the middle row I grabbed the pants by the waistband and pulled.  Nothing.  I checked the zipper.  It was completely down.  I pulled as hard as I could until I had completely lifted him off the ground and he bumped his head on the ceiling of the van.  The pants were locked around his hips and going nowhere.  Up or down, I feared.

We now had fifteen minutes until he was due at the audition.  Our choices were: ratty cargo shorts he'd been wearing all day, khaki pants that wouldn't go past mid-thigh (DESPITE ACTUALLY GOING ON AND BUTTONING NOT TWO WEEKS AGO), and running home to get BIGGER PANTS on the way to the audition.

"HANG ON CHARLEY WE'RE GOING HOME!"  I threw the car into gear and began inching across the parking lot.

He flung himself over the middle row seats in an attempt to get into his seat wearing his gray-striped oxford and his shortie T-rex jammie pants but got tangled up in the too-small pants and the head rest for the middle seat.  I could see his T-rex jammies in the rear view mirror.  Finally he struggled out of the khakis and flung himself into the way back.

He was hysterical.

"BUTT-NAKED.  I AM BUTT-NAKED!  STOP THE CAR!"

So I stopped the car right next to a group of fifth graders having a Coke in the parking lot.

"NO!!  NOT HERE!!  KEEP GOING!!!"

So I pulled ahead to a woody area so he could collect himself and buckle in.

Then we went home where he waited in the car (I'M NOT GOING IN THERE NAKED!) while I unearthed a pair of size eight pants I bought for his school uniform in the fall.  Pants that look like they would fit ME.  HUGE PANTS.  He managed to struggle into those while wearing his seatbelt and musing loudly about how he needs "Infinity Megladon Pants" that you can adjust to any size at all so he'll never have to buy pants again.

If he keeps growing out of pants every week, we might have to look for those.

2 comments:

Sarah said...

Our major pants issue right now is that all of them are ripped to pieces in the knees, and I keep thinking surely it will be shorts season soon, so I am not buying more pants, but H and J look really scruffy. All the time.

JLTan said...

I thought you were going to say he split his pants trying to put them on while too tight.