Tuesday, April 29, 2014

Single parenting is a bitch

Today got off to a roaring start at 5:00 AM when James woke up, became enraged when I told him it was still nighty night time, and began slamming his bedroom door over and over again.  On the bright side, I didn't have to use the automated external defibrillator to get Charley out of bed like I normally do.

After breakfast, which is really just fifteen minutes in which the complaining is slightly muffled by the food everyone is shoving in their mouths, we had a relatively nice time sitting on the driveway in our jammies while Charley shot baskets and waited for his ride to school.  The freaking bottom fell out after my shower when I told Wes it was time to turn off the TV (after watching for NINETY MINUTES) he and James both FREAKED the FREAK out.  Wes was roaring at James to make him cry.  James was clawing Wes.  Wes tried to kick me when I tried to intervene.  James threw all the pillows in the living room at me then threw everything from the stairs onto the kitchen floor.  Wes chased James around the first floor, trying to scratch and grab him.  There was SO MUCH SCREAMING.

Finally I just sat on a destroyed club chair with no cushions in the living room and cried while James continued to scream insults at me from the middle of the stairs.

I thought about Super Nanny Jo Frost and how she would say I needed to be firm and consistent and take control of the situation.  And then I thought how I was up until midnight prepping for class and then got up at 2 for Wes to go potty and 5 when James was slamming the door and was so effing tired I didn't know if I could get up from the chair.

Did I mention that James (Hatfield) and Wes (McCoy) have been beating each other senseless for the better part of two weeks over such important and deeply held beliefs as: you're touching my side of the bench, I wanted the red plate, and you're licking your popsicle wrong?  Yesterday they got so violent in the car I pulled over and got out because I just could not listen to it FORANOTHERGDSECOND.  OH BUT I COULD STILL HEAR THE SCREAMING FROM *OUTSIDE* THE CAR OVER THE TRAFFIC NOISE!!!!!

I left a disgusting house full of dirty dishes even though someone is coming over right after I get home from work because I DON'T HAVE THE ENERGY TO FIX IT.

But I have never been so happy to leave for work in my LIFE.

And then I start thinking such productive thoughts as "What if everyone is in a car accident today?  This awful morning will haunt me forever."  SO HELPFUL.

Class went well though because I was out of lecture material and decided to talk about wind damage to houses instead.  I LOVE TALKING ABOUT WIND DAMAGE.

Now I am in my office too fried to be productive debating whether it would feel better to just let entropy take over or to attempt to reign it back in, which will certainly require more than five broken hours of sleep.

I have this great idea about pom pom balls in a jar for nice behavior that get TAKEN AWAY when they are horrible to each other.  But I already have beer so drinking on the porch seems cheaper and easier.


sarah said...

omg, Becca!!! I said it before but I wish I lived closer so I could help out. I'm glad you got to talk about wind damage, though, right?
Hang in there. xoxoxoxoo

Erica said...

I am frequently frustrated by the inability of language to express what the insane screaming of ONE two-year-old does to the rational part of my brain. "It was really LOUD. You don't UNDERSTAND."

GMP said...

I have three boys and some days are really really effing hard. Hugs.

candy said...

Heaps of sympathy from us too, it'd be a hilarious post if I wasn't so sure you had reported acurately. I too am glad you got to talk about wind damage! and PS: I am still repeating "separation situation" in my head...I guess that is some of what James and Wes need too eh?

susan said...

Check out flockmother.wordpress.com about a family using Vicki Hoefle's program for parenting. I'm in the same boat you are with two stubborn children and that blog has been somewhat helpful. Good luck!

Sarah said...

Gah. If Ben were going to be gone that long, he would have to take some of the children with him. You are a saint.