Next year's syllabus will include a list of inappropriate email salutations for professor-student correspondence.
#1 "Hey is it cool if..."
No. I don't know what you are going to ask me, but it is not "cool".
#2 "I have cramps/am vomiting/have a hangover."
No. "I am unwell and will miss class today" will do JUST FINE.
#3 "Can't find it."
I assume you are referring to the file I directed you to on the Google Drive in class today. But if you insist on speaking to me the same way my seven year old does when I ask him about his coat, you won't be surprised when I respond "Keep looking."
#4 "Nope. Still can't find it."
Are you freaking kidding me?
Is for horses!
#7 "Miss Academomia."
I have a doctorate in engineering and this is not Mad Men.
Because believe me, you don't want me to be annoyed before I even get to the substance of your email, yes?