Saturday, July 13, 2013

Needless to say, we are no longer concerned for his speech

Saturday afternoons have been taking us to Home Depot and Sonic recently, now that we're knee deep in "the tile project", which is the euphemism that we use to describe the tile, paint, bathroom paint, bathroom vanity replacement, new light fixture, and new bathroom paint odyssey of never-ending work and upheaval we're in the middle of.  Today was no different, so we breezed in to Sonic five minutes before the end of happy hour and ordered a round of slushes for everyone.  Charlie came up from his seat in the way-back and passed everyone's drink out and then straws out.  It was incredibly hot today and we were all happy for the freezing cold drinks.

But then James's stopped coming up the straw.  Being the veteran Sonic slush drinker that I am, I turned in my seat and showed him how to "shake it" from side to side to reintegrate the juice portion of the drink with the ice.  The big boys already know how to do this.

"Shake it!" I said to him, encouragingly, "like this!"  I demonstrated with my own drink, it was pineapple.

Ryan turned around to watch.  "Shake it!" I said again.

Then James smiled sweetly and said "Oh!  Sh*t!"

And tentatively shook his cup from side to side.

But Ryan and I were already doubled over in the front seat, laughing with tears streaming down our faces.

Charlie and Wes wanted to know what was so funny but I was nearly suffocating.

James shook his cup again "SH*T!" he exclaimed gleefully.  "SH*T!"

I regained my composure for approximately ten seconds.  "That's right, buddy, SHHHAAAAAAAKKKEE IIIIIIT!  SHAKE IT!"

"SH*T!  SH**T!"  He was still shaking his cup.

I pulled out of the parking space, Ryan and I both having convulsions of laughter, tears, snot, the whole deal.  James had no mercy.

"SH*T!  SH*T!" he continued to shriek, delighted with his new power.

Then the A/C started blowing hot air and James took the words right out of my mouth.

"SH*T!  SH*T!"

Charlie demanded to know what was so funny.  He sounded concerned.  "When you laugh it has to be about something he said.  You can't just laugh like that.  What's so funny?"

I stopped in the middle of a parking lot aisle to try and fix the A/C, but James was still saying "SH*T" and the fact that what he was saying was completely appropriate to the situation made it even funnier.  Someone angry-honked at me for missing a long opportunity to turn right.

Charlie continued to ask, so I told him simply that "James used a naughty word."

The convulsions continued.  So did that random outbursts from James.  Charlie started to try and guess which naughty word it was, considerately spelling them out so Wes wouldn't hear.

"S-t-u-p-i-d?"

"No"

"I-d-i-t?"

"No"

"D-u-m?

"No"

"S-h-u-t-u-p?"

"No, buddy, it was something else and I'm not going to tell you what it was.  Don't worry about it."

"SH*T!!" said James.  The explosion of laughter from the front seat gave it away.  We somehow limped into the Home Depot parking lot without losing control of the car then made the mistake of letting him bring his drink inside.

Near the end of our visit I was browsing the mirrors when Ryan rounded a corner, James in his arms, shaking his slush and narrating "Sh*t!  Sh*t!"  The other kids were crawling through the shelves and coming out on the next aisle before screech-laughing their way back around.  I could practically feel people taking in this magical family outing, spotting the giant belly, and making a mental note to write their congressman about comprehensive sex education the moment they got home.  I do what I can.

4 comments:

Chiconky said...

Awesome! I literally laughed out loud!

Kim said...

Hahahaha!!!

Aidan went through a phase where he pronounced "fork" like another word. It was great dinner party fodder!

Stumbling Towards Perfect said...

HAAAA!!! This is awesome!

Sarah said...

Love it! We had issues with fork and truck-- so funny.