Wednesday, July 10, 2013

Dear smug ninety pound Corner Bakery employee

You know what?!  Yes.  I AM hungry.  That's why I'm ordering a salad.  And that's also why I ordered a cookie an hour ago and why I ordered an egg and cheese sandwich when I came in two hours ago.

Pregnant women get hungry.   Really hungry.  Like, you're lucky I didn't crawl over here to place my order while lying prone on the floor in front of the register hungry.  I'm creating an entire new human being WITH MY BODY and that takes CALORIES.  What are you doing later?  Texting someone while you read Us Magazine by the pool?  Yeah, I thought so.  I'll be making LUNGS.

And if you must know, I'm going to eat my salad LATER in my OFFICE, where I have to go because this restaurant didn't have the foresight to put any OUTLETS at NORMAL TABLES.  Have you ever sat on a barstool while pregnant?  There is a reason pregnant women shouldn't drink and it has nothing to do with alcohol.  Barstools will mess your pelvis and hips all to hell.  Think about it.

So next time why don't you keep the giggles and passive aggressive comments to your coworkers to yourself.  "WOW, she's HUNGRY!" isn't all that clever, anyway, since you work in a RESTAURANT.  Hungry people?  In a restaurant?  SHOCKING.  Some suggestions for future employment if you don't want to interact with hungry people: an office, a library, The Gap, Sears (but not the one by the food court).

Now please give me my salad without further commentary so I can leave before I actually say something out loud.

5 comments:

Melinda said...

I kind of want to come over there and kick her in the shins on your behalf while you are busy growing an entire human being and working.

SnarkyMommy said...

Bitches, all of them.

Now I have to boycott Corner Bakery on your behalf.

Anonymous said...

I hate when anyone comments on what I am eating or not eating. The waitress at the sushi restaurant my husband and I used to go to would come by and look slightly shocked and say, "So fast!" (as in, we apparently ate our food too fast in her opinion). Who cares?

Sandy said...

I loved when people said things like that to me when I was pregnant with my twins. Why in the hell people think it's okay to comment on and judge pregnant women at every turn is beyond me. Good luck surviving people's rudeness, you're almost there!

Sarah said...

OMG. Good for you for not freaking out-- I might have!