Tuesday, June 18, 2013

32 weeks: The Hungry Period

So, Fetusita is due in eight-ish weeks and my digestive system and brain are currently in a battle of the ages.  At stake is my comfort level and sanity.  And my research project.  It's difficult to concentrate on drag coefficients in shallow water when your body is screaming at you to EAT SOMETHING RIGHT NOW OR WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!!!!!!! 

For instance, this morning, my brain did not seem to understand that lunch plans are a mere 45 minutes away.

Nope.  You can't wait 45 minutes.  You have to walk to the vending machine, buy a Snicker's bar, and demolish the whole thing while still standing in front of the machine.

And yes, I did bring a peach for a snack.  It was tasty but woefully inadequate.

In fact the Snicker's bar might prove inadequate.  I was wondering why the vending machine doesn't sell lean protein.  Like breakfast tacos.  Or turkey legs.  How might meetings go differently if I sat there munching on a turkey leg, wordlessly staring everyone down?

"Actually, I WOULD like to include Chapter 9 in the Earth Science curriculum," RRRRRRRRRIIIIIP!  Chew slowly, stare.

"I think that is a great idea!" agrees everyone in the room.

Maybe this is how I could get the climate class I've been asking for for two years.

The caveat to all this calories, CALORIES, CALORIES!!! business is that I can't eat more than a toddler-size portion of many foods without enraging the heartburn gods.

I had a child-sized portion of ice cream after dinner Sunday night around 7:00 then woke up at midnight choking and gagging on stomach acid.  You are welcome.  It was disgusting.  I slept sitting up for the rest of the evening.

I may regret the Snickers bar in thirty minutes or so, but let me assure you, it was NOT optional.

So that's how I'm living right now.  My tummy is all "EAT SOMETHING OR YOU WILL PERISH!" so I do and then it says "OH CRAP WAIT NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!"

I think it has something to do with Fetusita taking up all the room previously occupied by my organs, or something.  So like my liver is pinching my stomach down to the size of a discarded raisin in the back of a minivan?

Bladder is right where it should be, though.  Look for that in a second installment of this disgusting post.  I'm off to inhale some Thai food then spend the rest of the afternoon popping Tums and regretting it.


Sarah said...

Hahaha-- you sound like Dorothy-- she eats to the point of discomfort round the clock.

sarah said...

LOL, can't wait for the bladder part of this story.

CP said...

How are you 32 weeks already?! Wow, this whole business is going by so fast for me (maybe not for you)!

lonek8 said...

I've always had the hungry period right at the beginning. Like 6-10 weeks and I'll be going about my day just fine and then BAM! I'm the hungriest I've ever been in my life and if I don't eat something immediately I'm going to get nauseous and vomit acid from an empty stomach. Pregnancy is just so glamorous.