Wednesday, April 17, 2013

I did not even offer them a cup of coffee

My parents were early for an appointment they had near my house this morning so they dropped by to see us beforehand.  After they called to let me know they were coming I took a quick shower and threw on some non-pajamas because if there's anyone for whom you want to appear to have your act together, it's your parents.  I took a cursory glance around the downstairs and declared it "good enough for an unexpected visit" and patted myself on the back for having already cleared breakfast off the table.  Look at me with the basic life skills!

After my shower I briefly considered relocating the four loads of unfolded (but clean!) laundry I had heaped in the dining room, but laundry is heavy and sitting down is nice, so I sort of kicked it out of the way so it wouldn't be the first thing visible from the front door and then sat down to watch Curious George.  My parents arrived and sat down on the couch and visited for a few moments and then my mom got up and came back with a huge pile of laundry, which they began folding.  OMG, you guys, better than babysitting!!

I politely but halfheartedly said "Oh, you don't have to do that" but my mom waved me away and said "It's fun to do other people's work" as she seam-to-seamed a tiny pair of khaki pants.  I'm not one to stand in the way of anyone's good time, so I suggested they make the beds next (KIDDING).

We had a nice time together, chatting and folding laundry, and I had fond flashbacks of watching PBS shows while my mom folded laundry on the coffee table when I was a kid and wondered if she'd make me popsicles out of koolaid and dixie cups too.  Maybe they could move in with me!  It was so, so wonderfully nice.

When all the laundry was folded James came wandering out of the playroom saying "Eewww!  Eewww!  Eewww!"  I should have suspected something was amiss, but it was early in the morning so I just watched as he crossed the room and put something into my mom's hand.

"OH!" exclaimed my mom as she jumped off the couch "It's DOG POOP!!"  She continued "I think it's dog poop at least, Bec does this look like dog poop or kid poop to you?"  A reasonable question.

Slightly embarrassed but not all that surprised, I took a look at the turd, which was definitely dog poop.  I will never judge those poor people on Hoarders ever again, now that I know what it's like to live with enormous piles of unfolded laundry and random deposits of animal crap on the floor.  James was still pointing at the playroom and telling us all about it.  "Eeewww!  Eeewwww!  Eewwww!"  My mom ran to the bathroom to dispose of the poop.  I shooed James off in the direction of the bathroom so he and my mom could both wash their hands in boiling water and lye then used an entire roll of paper towels to shield my hand as I picked up the rest of the "Eewwww!  Eeeewwww!  Eewwww!" which was indeed, "Eewwww!  Eeeewwww!  Eewwww!"

So, you know, WELCOME TO MY HOME!  LOOK OUT FOR THE LITERAL CRAP IN THE PLAYROOM.  PLEASE HELP YOURSELF TO MY LAUNDRY.

5 comments:

Erica said...

No, no, the Hoarders standard isn't animal poop. It's the possibility of DEAD animals underneath piles. Anything short of that is just minor untidiness.

Candy said...

I like folding laundry too. Funny that.

C. Friedland said...

So glad I stopped by to see what you're up to. You're hilarious!!

Sarah said...

I have fond memories of watching Days of Our Lives with my mom folding diapers (I was 4, which explains a lot about me). Do you think our kids will have happy laundry memories?

suepaul@austin.rr.com said...

Of course, my favorite part of your blog is that the table you remember me folding laundry on when you were a young girl is the very same table we folded laundry on today.