Tuesday, March 19, 2013

Crime Doesn't Pay

The other night while my sister and I were downtown partying with a bunch of SXSW groupies seeing a band we came across a poster on a light pole advertising a band called "PAPA" (presumably this is a band and not a cult, I have no idea). It may have been the late hour, or the fact that I'd been wearing a too-tight strapless bra since lunch, or it may have been all those free "mocktails" I downed in the VIP lounge (driving slash parenting in the morning), but my sister and I thought it would be HI-LARIOUS to bring the poster home to Ryan, whom the kids call "Papa," and ripped the poster off the pole without a moment's hesitation.

There was a lot of "woo-girl" style giggling and clumsy attempts to saw through the plastic tape with a car key. It all felt very sneaky and wrong, being out on the street defacing a light pole as we were, but I was wearing a sequined tube top and if that's not already a crime against humanity, then surely this wasn't either.

Just as I suspected, Ryan loves it so much he wants to frame it and hang it in the kitchen.

Charlie, the only one of the children who can read, also thinks it's hilarious. He also made me question my choices from the night before in a way typically reserved only for evenings which involve alcohol.

"Hey, that's awesome! Where did you get it?"

"Um, I found it. Downtown. When I was out with Aunt K last night." (I tried to sound breezy. I may have tossed my hair.)

"Like someone was giving it away?"

"Ummmm, no? But it was out on a light pole for anyone who wanted it to have. No big deal, really. Would you please find your shoes? It's almost time for family camp." (divert divert divert)

"Why are the edges ripped?"

"Because I was trying to get it down fast and be sneaky." (oh the tangled webs we weave)


"Errrmmmm, so no one else would 'borrow' it first?" (and also because I thought maybe I saw an Authority Figure nearby. It was the doorman at a hotel, but he was wearing a uniform)

He looked dubious. I felt like I was in big trouble. I hoped he wouldn't take my car keys.

That might have been the end of it, except that next week is Pirate Week and Charlie would like to take that possibly offensive poster for Show and Tell. So I should probably do some digging and find out, for example, "is that an upside down cross on the hat or some kind of ancient symbol whose meaning is magically an appropriate conversation topic for a group of six year olds?" And figure out if this is some kind of Pope-related political statement. And figure out his teacher's stance on stolen property as Show and Tell items.

I should really just make it disappear like a normal person, but it makes Ryan so happy. He thinks it will keep the kids in line when he can't be at dinner.

UPDATED: De*vil wor*shipping cult. It is in the outside trash now. Where I took it at three o'clock in the morning because I couldn't sleep with it in the house anymore. Photo edited accordingly.


SnarkyMommy said...

OMG I am laughing so hard!

Anonymous said...

Love the update lol! Hilarious post.

Brooke said...

LOL. OMG. The show & tell possibilities...

Rima said...

You still got it! I bet Charlie will look back on this episode when he's older and think, "My mom was punk rock!"

sarah said...

OMG!!!!! So awesome.