Wednesday, August 8, 2012

The Kids in the Car

The rain would not come,
it was too hot to play,
so they sat in the house,
all that hot, hot, hot day.

Too hot to go out,
too warm to ride bikes,
so they sat in the house,
and had lots of big fights.

And then, BUMP!
Oh!  How that bump made me jump!

A child was climbing,
I said as I ran,
You get down from that table,
and GET IN THE VAN!!

Doughnuts or lattes or library books?
Oh where can we go and not get dirty looks?

Too loud for the library, too fighty for Grandma's
Now where do you think that other red Croc was?

Stop hitting your brother!
stop picking your nose!
stop licking the window!
Put back on your clothes!

Seatbelts! Seatbelts! I called through the din,
as I upended my purse where my keys should have been.

They're not in my handbag, my pocket, the door,
the counter, the table, the laundry room floor!
I find them at last in the seat where I sit,
then hear from the back "Mama, what's 'shit'?"

Nevermind, Baby, I say with a smile,
then back out of the drive to get out for a while.
Where we are going, I have not a clue,
the playground, the splash park, the YMCA pool?
I have to go potty, I did not eat my toast,
Turn up the A/C I am starting to roast!
I wanted my black shoes, this shirt makes me scratch
make me more cookies, you ate the whole batch!

THREE SPRINKLE DONUTS, PLEASE, DO YOU HAVE PINK?
A BAGEL WITH CREAM CHEESE, SOME COFFEE TO DRINK.
Four ninety-seven, please pull up to the window,
MAMA! THE POTTY! I STILL HAVE TO GO!

Go potty, I said, then get in the car-y,
if you have to go later then you will be sorry!
We're not going in to the donut shop john,
your brother and I don't have any shoes on.
We'll be home soon, you can go when we get there.
But if you go in your pants then what will you wear?

I cleaned out the car, there are no shorts here,
not toddler sized, Mama sized, kid-sized, oh dear!
A swimsuit, I find, in size toddler two,
Well I guess if he whizzes himself these will do.

Thank you very much, and have a nice day,
I plaster a smile then go on my way,
I WANT MY DONUT, they scream all at once,
JUST GIVE ME A MINUTE! I shout at the runts.

And I think to myself as they chew on their donuts,
they're really quite cute, when they don't make a fuss.
Seven more hours 'til Ryan's return,
what shall we do today, what should we learn?

14 comments:

Alyssa said...

Ha! Wonderful! Best post of the year!

KarenAZ said...

And that is why you add vodka to your breakfast smoothie.

don't judge me.

here's to cooler weather so they can be banished to the back yard.

Mary said...

This? Is brilliant.

Erica said...

Oh my word. I love you.

Whitmire Family said...

I have read your blog for a while and never commented and it is finally time to thank you for making me laugh out loud with pretty much every post you write. This one was especially brilliant...My favorite line was oh where can we go and not get dirty looks!

Chiconky said...

Go the F to Sleep has nothing on you! I love this post! Like, print out and put on the fridge love. So funny, and so true!

CP said...

BEST POST EVER!

svendeavor said...

I think you have some Seuss-ala genes in you somewhere. Very cool post! Hugs all around... Candy

Rima said...

SO funny! I love it!

WhitMc said...

This is AMAZING. You are so creative!

SnarkyMommy said...

Love. Love love love.

Meredith said...

Still smiling from this - thanks!

Jessica said...

I saw this and was like ugh, poetry. I hate poetry. But I loved it!! I would now like you to summarize all of my days in poem form.

Stumbling Towards Perfect said...

BRILLIANT!!
Favorite line:
...then hear from the back "Mama, what's 'shit'?"

BAH HA HAA!