Ryan and I were downstairs eating a whole box of macaroni and cheese when we heard the familiar THWUMP of a tiny body falling off of something high.
I sighed and set down my fork. Wes met me at the top of the stairs. He was already whimpering but when he saw me the real hysterics began.
I put him back in bed and bit my tongue, though my brain was screaming "YOU WOULDN'T HAVE GOTTEN HURT IF YOU HAD STAYED IN YOUR BED." Finally he calmed down enough to tell me that he had hurt his side. Sure enough, when I turned on the light and took off his shirt, I saw the huge bruise on the ribs under his right arm. Because Ryan sent me off to the salon for a haircut and pedicure today, I had compassion and tucked him in and laid next to him until he calmed down.
After a few minutes when the hiccuping sobs subsided we had a conversation about what had happened to him. It was terribly productive, as these things are.
"Did you hit your head, Wes?" I asked, trying to assess if I would need to keep him awake or if I would get to eat my ice cream and turn in early as planned.
"Yes" he replied, "I did and I didn't hit my head."
I tried a different tack, "Can you show me where on your body it hurts?"
He pointed to his side again.
"Did you hit your head when you fell?" I pressed.
"I did NOT fall. I did and I didn't hit my head."
I asked him to show me what happened. As he led me to the bathroom he explained "I did not fall and I did not land on the sharp thing."
The potty training seat, which we have never used and is supposed to be put away under the bathroom sink, was wedged into the toilet sideways, holding the lid open at a crazy angle. Wes pointed at the back of the potty, where the seat connects to the bowl.
"I put one foot there" he pointed. "And I put the other food there." He was pointing at the open lid of the toilet. "And I did not fall." He said that last part quite emphatically while looking me right in the eye.
I heard the THWUMP. He totally fell.
And then he said something unintelligible about the events that occurred between when he was surfing on the back of toilet and when he was crying at the top of the stairs. There was a cup of water? He wanted a cup of water? I'm not really sure. Then he pointed at the toiletpaper dispenser, "The sharp thing."
"So, how did you hurt your side on the sharp thing, buddy?" I needed to know the speed of impact. More importantly, do I need to scoop myself another bowl of mint chocolate chip or are we on the way to the emergency room?
He took several deep breaths. "I did NOT FALL."
By this time Charlie was out of his room asking for his humidifier and I was strongly considering moving to Cabo. Alone.
Finally, Charlie had his humidifier, Wes, who did NOT FALL, was tucked back in bed and did not appear to be in immediate danger from his injuries, and I was headed back downstairs.