Dude, you guys, this summer is KILLING me. Or perhaps it isn't the entire summer that is killing me. It might just be August. August is my least favorite month, BAR NONE, even worse than February, and always has been. It's hot, it never rains, and the everyone is bored. The novelty of not having a schedule has long worn off and I find myself sitting in the back yard wondering if the kids would EVER GO TO SLEEP. But we still have a month to go until SCHOOOOOOOL starts.
I realized this morning as I chopped up a watermelon to take to a friend's house that even watermelon is no longer bringing me joy.
So when I got home from our friend's, after we all took naps (a rare treat) and the children were settling into hour five of nonstop TV, I baked a loaf of cinnamon bread. The warm place I used to make it rise was my back porch, but at least my house smells like September, which is one of the best months as it is the month I allow myself to resume using nutmeg, allspice, and pumpkin puree.
While the cinnamon bread was rising, I managed to make dinner out of things I found around the house, so I wouldn't have to take the kids back out in public (shiver): Mac and cheese made with the ends of four different blocks of cheese and some red and green Christmas pasta I don't remember ever buying and may have even come with the house and a turkey breast I found in the freezer. It was delicious, and not at all summery.
Adding to the stupidness of August this year is the way James has been in a terrible mood all week. Several things are making him miserable. He has a rash all over his legs that looks terribly uncomfortable though it doesn't seem to bother him. He's on medication now and it seems to be getting better. But he also has a diaper rash and eczema on his cheeks. The poor kid. Every diaper change requires screaming and thrashing and three different types of creams (leg rash, butt rash, face rash). It's heartbreaking. Since he is uncomfortable he screams all the time. Need more milk? Scream. Tired? Scream. Bored? Scream. Also, he bit Charlie, completely unprovoked, at least four times today. Poor, poor Charlie. Between the screaming and the biting and let's not forget the food-throwing, we are all very frustrated. I am positive that James is the most frustrated of all. But I can't seem to figure out how to help him.
Tomorrow is Friday and that means I go to work after lunch. I feel guilty about how much I am looking forward to it.
Especially since next week Charlie goes to day camp every day from eight until three. I am curious about how this will go because it is a very similar timeline to his kindergarten schedule. I am really going to miss him. I wish we hadn't scheduled camp three months ago when the summer seemed to stretch out endlessly into the future. I'm not ready for him to be gone all the time. I'm not ready for Wes to lose his buddy all day, though I have seen some encouraging signs that he and James are learning ways to interact that don't involve beating the shit out of each other all the time. In many ways it will be very, very good to rip off the bandaid. For one thing, I'm hoping to put a stop to the nightly tears about not being able to read chapter books without assistance. He is very, very nervous about not "knowing enough things" and there is nothing we can do to help him feel better. That anxiety is spilling over into almost everything (he headbutted Wes today because Wes wasn't playing "Bug Bingo" right). We've been giving everyone lots of extra hugs this summer.
And since James and Charlie are so high need right now (especially James, omg), I never feel like I am paying enough attention to any of them. Every minute spent holding James and changing him and comforting him is a minute I'm not paying enough attention to Wes. Time spent talking Charlie through a tantrum over not being able to spell "sincerely" on a letter to a cousin means James is doing something dangerous. Wes is very, very good at playing by himself, but he needs cuddles and quality time almost more than the others, though he doesn't usually ask for it. I am running non-stop and it's still not enough. Not to mention the mountain of housework that is not getting done.
To recap: James is rashy and miserable, Charlie is a pile of nerves, Wes is getting pummeled from both sides, and I am beyond exhausted by the nonstop tears and the fighting and the clinginess. Add in kindergarten and I'm not sure whether I want this month to end right now or last longer.
To recap the recap: August can suck it. Bring back June.