Friday, July 29, 2011

The cost of a simulnap

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When I got to the gym playroom today after working out a boy I don't know was sobbing in the arms of the caregiver.

My kids were not crying. My kids were laughing like little sociopaths.

The teacher explained "They threw toys at him. At his head."

I grabbed them by their chubby little arms and sat them down with their backs against the door.

"We do NOT THROW TOYS. YOU HURT HIM. YOU SAY YOU'RE SORRY. DON'T GET UP! SAY YOU'RE SORRY AGAIN! AND NOW TO YOUR TEACHER. AND TO ME!"

They apologized insincerely and then continued to giggle and goof around as I signed them out. When we got to the sidewalk I let them have it. They wouldn't stop giggling and screwing around. They climbed up on top of the landscaping boulders near the entrance and shrieked defiantly. Hearing Dr. Phil's voice in my head ("Keep raising the price of poker!") I kept taking things away until Charlie sobered up and told me he was really, really sorry.

"When we get home, you're going to your room."

Giggle, giggle, giggle.

"And you've lost your TV privilege for the rest of the day."

Slightly less giggling.

"Should I take away our trip to the pool, too?"

NO MAMA I'M SORRY MAMA I WANT TO GO TO DA POOL PLEASE MAMA I'M SO SORRY!!!!!!!

And then, of course, no one would get in his carseat when I asked. Everything was SO freaking hilarious. Wes hit me as I tried to buckle him in.

On the way home I made an unplanned trip to Starbucks--for me--so that I could make a big point out of "Boys who hurt other children in the gym playroom do not get treats." There were lots of "Mama, I'm really, really sorry!" in the drive-thru lane! I considered ordering some cake pops then eating them in front of them, but thought that would be a little too cruel and went with tea instead. I had just worked out, after all.

And now they're all sound asleep. And I ate all the M&Ms out of the trail mix.

8 comments:

A. said...

I am laughing and crying with you. Just had a public meltdown getting my son out of daycare yesterday. I'm not sure which one of us melted down more by the end, me, or him.

Sometimes I think I am raising animals. Demon animals. My town clearly needs to get a drive-thru Starbucks, perhaps it will help.

Snarky Mommy said...

LOVE THIS!!!!

And for the record, I would have gotten the cake pop and eaten it. But I am really mean.

Alyssa said...

Oh good Lord - can I please skip that stage? I LOVE that you ate the M&Ms though, and I think you would have been completely within your rights to eat cake pops in front of them!

Anonymous said...

That is soooooooo funny! I esp like the thought of eating a cake pop in front of them...it's sad to say, I probably would have...lol

Sarah said...

I am just jealous that they nap. We've been totally napless for more than a year. Sigh.

Heather said...

Love the telling of this story! Laughed out loud and appreciated the universal frustration of parenting . . . Had nearly an identical episode with my smallest tot while on a road trip. She was busy giving us lip far too advanced for her age (where does that come from?!), so she lost the privilege of a treat at a McDonald's stop. Oh the tears and begging and general sadness . . . for the next 40 miles! One would like to think that was the cure for what ailed her but alas, we keep having learning opportunities :)

Lemonpuss said...

Oh, my, yes. We have been here in peer-identifying hell for several months now, where they care more about what each other think than what i think. They are their own little club, validating each other's manic/naughty behavior. It blew (still blows) my mind.

I have had good luck with "couch time" where they can pick out a few books and sit far away from each other until they're (I'm) good and calmed down. I have great luck yanking favorite privileges; zero tolerance is my best friend in the face of this.

The good news is that it is the harbinger of some really good creative play between them. I have more time with the baby because the Bigs are slaying dragons or creating forts together. Which reminds me: this was a super time to facilitate forts for us, as they want to conspire, hide together, be more independent and autonomous. Do you have a tent you can put up for them? Or some eye hooks in the fence, some rope and a couple sheets? Worth their weight in gold.

You are a great alpha with your kids (yes, its a dog training term but it is exactly perfect) and will be fine. It is this behavior, though, that has kept me home more than any other phase, as I have to carefully select upon which innocents I choose to inflict my kids. I haven't seen my pregnant friends in months as I don't want to scare them off :)

I have more to say - seems like I might have a post to write.

Kristen said...

You know I would have ordered a cake pop and eaten it in front of them. Does that make me a better mom or worse???? LOL!