I thought this was a temporary matter of fetal positioning, but I haven't been able to bend at the waist in over a week. It all started after I hurt my toe and had to sit there in the exam room staring at my toes as I waited for the doctor. They all looked awful, not just the swollen purple one. After that I tried to do a DIY pedicure sitting on my bed and nearly blacked out.
I look like P-Diddy if I try to sit in a chair. You know, that weird man-sit thing where your body is completely straight with only your butt perched on the side of the couch cushion? That's me. I should start wearing some gold chains and changing my name every year or so. It would be a great look with the UPS truck I'm going to have to buy so I can drive standing up.
The biggest problem is that putting the kids' shoes on is nearly impossible. I tuck Wes into his bed at naptime under the covers with his shoes still on. This morning I made already-late Ryan put the kids' shoes on before he left because I was afraid I'd rupture the blood vessels in my eyes from the effort. I've scared Charlie so thoroughly that now FINALLY asks me before taking his shoes off. This from a kid I once had to make walk barefoot across the parking lot to the pediatrician's office because I was so sick of him taking his shoes off every single time we got in the car and I had to make a point SOMEHOW.
And do you have any idea how much crap little kids leave all over the floor? THAT I CAN'T SEE? Four or five times a day I shuffle around the kitchen and kick all the toys I can feel towards the door to the living room.
I know I was this uncomfortable during the other two pregnancies. I just don't remember it happening at THIRTY WEEKS. I honestly don't know how I'm going to last another ten weeks grunting and swearing every time I drop something or have to get up and down from the floor (who wants to play at the kitchen table, kids? No one?).
It just occurred to me that Taco isn't trying to snap my lower right rib off like a dry twig like the other two did, so maybe this is the price I have to pay for that small concession. All I know is that I can't cross my legs, even ankle to knee, I can't bend over, and I'm going to be in the market for a gently used UPS truck before long. Is it too much to ask that the doctor had my dates wrong by a month?