Thank goodness he called; since he was able to make it through all the voice menus without swearing, hanging up, or throwing the phone, he was rewarded with a service appointment for later that day. Though they did work out that they could hook my laptop up directly to the "thing" that it would connect, very slowly (another good reason Ryan called is that I describe our internet configuration as "the big thing" and "the small thing," which I think is really "the modem" and "the router." I should probably learn this, but why bother with a PhD'ed electrical engineer in the family?).
Only problem was that my laptop is in the habit of turning itself off for no reason at all. Right in the middle of blog posts and Facebook conversations, in particular. More gnashing of teeth.
Then the service guy, a very nice man named Lee, came out at 5:15 on Tuesday. I was glad to see him, but it was a problem because I didn't have everything I needed to make dinner and the kids were acting like total idiots at the time. I got them settled by installing them on the loveseat with cookies so they could watch Lee work. But dinner was toast, literally, the kids had toast and eggs for dinner and I made an elegant late dinner for Ryan and me after I had some time to vent with Labmama and run to the store while Ryan wrestled our little miracle gifts from God into their beds.
Lee spent about forty minutes wandering around my house checking things with various sensors and equipment then stood up and said "That should do it. Honestly I don't know how it worked as long as it did." And then he left. And then I tried the big, normal, not-turning-off-by-itself computer. And, it didn't work. And I had to leave the room for a few minutes to regain my composure.
Ryan determined that the problem must have been the router ("the small thing"), so last night he headed off to the electronics store (man Target) to
"Hey, my transmission linkage broke and my car is stuck at the Chick-Fil-A. But I got the router and now I'm going to buy some tools next door then try to fix the car. I'll be a little late."
"Uh, well it's 8:30, if we're going to need help getting you home we should ask now before it gets too late."
"Oh, right" he said. After calling a few people who weren't home my uncle said he would go get him (THANKS AGAIN, Scott). The car remains at Chick-Fil-A. The kids and I will be eating dinner there tonight while Ryan sweats it out in the parking lot with a hammer and a few ratchets. Being a man is so glamorous. Though I did get quite excited about buying Charlie a new pack of socks in the BOYS' department and not the BABY department. So I guess we're in the same boat.
After all of that, Ryan came home and FIXED THE INTERNET. It is glorious. He is my hero and I will be mulching the garden by myself this weekend as a gift of appreciation to him. The end.