Wednesday, June 16, 2010

My social awkwardness disorder is flaring up

Just after we moved into this house, Ryan and I posted our moving boxes for free on Craigslist. We really hit it off with the woman who came over to get them, talking in my driveway for at least thirty minutes while her three kids explored the empty retention pond across the street from my house.

She occasionally interrupted herself to yell at her kids to "GET OUT OF THE STREET!" I liked her immediately.

Anyway, she took a bunch of boxes home that night and came a couple of weeks later to get some more. And then I started running into her at the grocery store and the playground. It was kind of funny slash awkward that I kept running into this woman who I had this pseudo-friendship with and while I wished we could've become friends, she was moving to another neighborhood so I didn't follow up.

Flash forward to today. I was making my rounds at Vacation Bible School, visiting all of my teachers and making sure no one had any questions before the kids arrived when it suddenly dawned on me that one of my teachers was THE LADY WHO TOOK OUR BOXES FROM CRAIGSLIST! I was so excited. I introduced myself and she remembered me and we had a good laugh. Because, WHAT ARE THE ODDS?

When the kids and I went out for lunch afterward I was parked next to a Suburban JUST LIKE this box friend's car and the driver had red hair in a pony tail JUST LIKE my box friend's. OMG! We can have lunch together! We can be friends! It's meant to be! I jumped out of my car and went around to the back to non-nonchalantly get my purse as she assembled her stroller.

My conscious mind knew that it wasn't her the second I saw standing behind her car. She just had a different vibe. But the rest of my brain was totally off the rails.

"Oh, HEY!!" I said with a huge friendly grin.

She waved back politely. "Hi." Back away. Back away slowly.

A vague memory started to form that my box friend's youngest child was older than Charlie and I wondered why she would need a Snap and Go for a trip to the deli.

My rational mind was screaming. NOT HER NOT HER! STOP TALKING! PLEASE STOP TALKING!

Slightly embarrassed, I turned around and opened my trunk to get my bag. Instead of playing it cool, the bucket of crap toys from our pool bag fell out, sending measuring cups, shovels, buckets, and balls rolling all over the parking lot.

And a couple of things went under her car. And I thoughtlessly and spaztastically dove after them. And I BURNED my freaking ARM on the tailpipe of her car while trying to retrieve a SIPPY CUP THAT I GOT AT A SECONDHAND SALE THREE YEARS AGO in front of the stranger woman I had just greeted as though she was my long lost sister. Who was now clutching the handle of her Snap and Go like she might have to use it to forcibly subdue me on a moment's notice.

"OUCH!" I yelped as I grabbed the cup (good thing I did, it had Wes's name and last name written on the side in Sharpie). Then I tried to play it cool. Because clearly I could have still salvaged some shred of dignity by that point. NOT.

She was behind us in line. It was a very, very long line. I did not make a new friend today.

8 comments:

Sarah said...

OMG awesome. So, so funny, especially the burn (but I hope you're okay).

Alyssa said...

Hahaha!! Love this story :)

Marianne said...

I don't want to laugh, because I've *so* been there. But ... man. I'm sorry, Becca. I hope your arm is okay.

apathy lounge said...

I guess turning and asking, "Are you stalking me?" would be out of the question, no?

Phoenix Rising said...

OMG! I do that ALL the time! Well, not the whole burning my arm on a tailpipe while trying to rescue a runaway sippy cup. (I'm lazy. I don't dive under vehicles, nor do I expend any energy writing names on the side of cups; but I AM a big fan of Sharpies!) I do, however, find myself being all brazen: YOOHOO! HELLO! HOW ARE YOU??!! oh crap. I have no idea who you are...

Kyla said...

Oh man, that is funny. You may have slightly embarrassed , but it sure made for a good blog post!

On a completely unrelated note, do you have a recommendation for a good general reading book that might make me interested in physics? I'm going to have to take it soon and I'd like to convince myself to be interested beforehand. LOL.

starcakeastrology.blogspot.com said...

lol! you have a really vivid and funny writing style!!!

Rima said...

Her loss. You would have been a totally rad friend!(even if it was the wrong person)