1. Enter a "1" if you are single or if you are married and no one claims you as a dependent: 1
2. Enter a "1" if you are a married head of household: 0
3. Enter 1 for each dependent child living with you if your total household income is greater than $20,000. Enter 2 for each dependent child living with you if your household income is less than $20,000: 2
4. If your household income is greater than $50,000 AND less than $50,000, enter a 5: ?
5. Enter the number from Table 2, Column B associated with the income range of the primary earner (found in Table 2, Column A): 3
6. Enter the number from Table 3, Column B associated with the income range of the secondary earner (found in Table 3, Column B): 1
7. If Page 2, Line 5 is less than Page 2, Line 6, skip this section and proceed to Line 15. If Page 2, Line 6 is greater than Page 2, Line 5, enter a 2: Uhhhh
8. Multiply the number in Line 7 by the number of dependent children, then divide by the boiling point of water at sea level (in Kelvin), then think of a number between one and ten: 8?
9. If a train leaves Cleveland headed eastbound at 60 mph and another train leaves New York headed westbound at 30 mph on the same track, write where they meet on line nine: Scranton-ish?
It goes on like that for several more pages. My witholding category comes to √15π. I'm going to let HR figure that one out.