What the hell? I was cool with waking up at 4:00 to feed you for five minutes then putting you, soft and asleep, back into your crib and tiptoeing out of your room to go back to my own bed. It wasn't ideal, but I now realize that it was a perfectly delightful arrangement.
Especially when compared with our new arrangement. In which you wake up at 1:30 all happy and ready to go. And then you happily nurse for twenty-five minutes or more ONE ONE SIDE but never relax or fall asleep.
It was cute how you were laughing maniacally in the dark the other night. It was amusing to watch you climb all over Ryan while I was trying to get you to settle down in our bed. It was not so cute when I spoke your name and, in your excitement to be reminded of my existence, you lunged for me and gave both of us a concussion.
Seriously kiddo, do you have any idea what nursing for almost an hour, twice a night, ON ONE SIDE does to a person? It is not good.
If you ever want to give that pacifier thing another go, just tell me. Even though you alternately throw it out of reach or shove the entire thing into your mouth like you're having dental x-rays, I feel like we can work through this together. A pacifier, it's like a boob, except portable, available at any time day or night, and NOT CONNECTED TO ANY OF MY NERVE ENDINGS.
In summary, may I just say how adorable you are? I mean, really. You crack me up. But baby, you've got to cool it with the nighttime stuff. Or I'm going to spend your college fund on coffee and pedicures. And therapy.