Friday, February 6, 2009

Incoherent rambling. You're welcome.

Just taking a break from "fixing" my Matlab code. I say "fixing" in quotes because I've really just been slinging stuff at it trying to get it to work for the last hour and because I've been getting sleepier and sleepier I have no idea what I've done to it, but now one of the curves is upside down. I'm really wishing I'd made a backup before I started "working" on it.

I realized how much I messed it up about five minutes ago when I got my thousandth "Matrix dimensions must agree" error and when I tried to find the offending line I didn't recognize the script at all. Well done, Becca! Freaking awesome.

I think preventing this sort of the thing from happening is the reason the whole department used to take off Friday afternoons and play football on the lawn outside our building. After a leisurely lunch. Wow I'm hungry. Also, extremely sore. I have a new friend who likes to go for long "walks" which are more like slow runs a la Kath and Kim and we went yesterday. Wind + 75 pound stroller + racewalking = more of a workout than I am capable of anticipated. But she's so much freaking fun it's worth it.

This weekend I have to go to the Big Fancy Library at the Big University with the Library of Congress system and everything. Charlie is going to be so disappointed that there are no Curious George books and no storytime. But wait until he sees the really fabulous books on hypothesis testing I'm going to get! Woo hoo!

So now I think I'll go back to fixing whatever the heck I did wrong. So I can finish this IN MARCH and be DONE FOREVER. Yes I realize it's naive of me to think that there is an END to the dissertation process that can be quantified in traditional terms (like "March 5" and not "When you are dead"). Especially since according to Dr. Advisor "it is absolutely essential to your career to publish your dissertation." Clearly he doesn't understand that it is absolutely essential to my mental health that I put everything dissertation related into our big City of South trashcan and set it on fire the second I have my diploma. And now that I say that I feel guilty because I've put so much work into it blah blah Stockholm Syndrome blah blah. But I'm really looking forward to at least boxing it all up for a month or so.

11 comments:

jenn_ky said...

I got my PhD three years ago, and this week I finally just admitted (to my doctoral advisor and myself) that I will never publish any part of my dissertation. I feel sheepish about it, but it's like a huge weight off my shoulders. And my (non-academic) career is going fine!

Mrs. Comet Hunter said...

Bah - have a thesis burning party! It'll feel great :D

LL said...

I laughed out loud about three times during that- and nodded my head a lot in sympathy. I hope your code gets fixed at that you enjoy your trip to the Big Library. I haven't been to said Big Library since I finished my undergraduate thesis at 5:50 AM on the Monday it was due. I think I'd experience some kind of PTSD just walking by it...

Sarah said...

Hahahahahahaha!

For real-- I cannot even pretend to think about publishing, even though I get asked about it ALL THE TIME. I also want to be done FOREVER. And the idea of a tenure clock? That is the stuff of nightmares.

I love libraries so much-- your trip sounds fun (that makes me the biggest dork ever. I know this already).

Kyla said...

You poor dear.

Chiconky said...

As another mom of a toddler who is also writing her dissertation, I say don't feel guilty about wanting to torch it. March is close, you can make it!

AJU5's Mom said...

OH, I remember those days! Hopefully you got it fixed back to "normal."

Courtney said...

Coming across your blog has made me laugh so much & realize how much we miss you guys! Know that I have had many of those same moments you've described & I'm not even working on a dissertation.

Aunt B said...

Hang in there, Becca. You've come so far...the end is definitely in sight! We're all behind you!!!!!

Rima said...

Wow. And I thought it was bad when I'd tinker with my blog template and mess up the margins! Good luck!

apathy lounge said...

Glad you have a friend who likes to walk and talk at the same time. It's a great tension reliever.