I just hit "send" on an email that contained a CV, teaching philosophy statement, and references to Big Scary University South. The university which houses the very department which terrified me so completely I didn't even submit an application to attend as an undergrad despite their convenient location twenty minutes from my parents house. Maybe I was just feeling heady because I got both boys to sleep at the same time. Or maybe I was afraid that if I didn't send it soon I would get caught up in all the story reading, nose wiping, boo boo kissing, snack making, and evening news couch cuddling (Charlie loves this for some reason) and never send it. Or maybe I am COMPLETELY INSANE.
Already today I have done a load of laundry, split a scone and a triple espresso with Charlie (kidding on the espresso, he prefers black coffee), helped set up for the church yard sale, driven through Wendy's on a mad dash to get home and get everyone fed and in their beds before a scheduled phone call with Dr. Advisor Re: The dissertation and why I probably shouldn't make any career plans for the next fifty years, fed Wesley during the entirety of that phone call, got thrown up on during the phone call, burped Wesley during the phone call (with his head RIGHT NEXT to the phone, of course), settled Wesley into his swing "just for a minute" where he then went to sleep ALL BY HIMSELF (cue angels singing, parting of clouds, beam of light from heavens) during the phone call, discussed my dissertation, planned the next two months, and high fived myself when Dr. Advisor marvelled at how much I've gotten done since Wesley was born (thanks Papa!) since he "knows what it's like" (Um, no), returned a phone call to a friend, removed all references to the last job I applied for from my cover letter and teaching philosophy statement, changed date of expected graduation from August 2007 to May 2009 (awesome!), stressed about my application email, stressed, stressed, stressed, finally hit send already...
...and now here I am.
And both boys are still asleep.
You want to know something? I kind of enjoy the juggling. It is exciting to have a foot in both worlds. It is challenging in a different way than staying at home full time or working full time is. Today has been a good day. Although I still have to dream up something inexpensive, nutritious, and tasty (in that order) for dinner.
(I've checked my email six times so far. I am sure Big Scary University department chairs spend more than nine seconds considering job applications, but I just want to be sure I didn't miss anything. Behaving rationally has never been my forte)