Friday, October 10, 2008

Another disaster averted by pure dumb luck

Last night Ryan and Wesley and I went to the New Member Dessert Fellowship for our church. It was at the pastor's house and we brought Wesley with us (because of his unpredictable and demanding feeding "schedule"). After dessert and coffee, as we sat around the family room getting to know each other, Wesley started to fuss. He was chomping on his pacifier, which usually means he's hungry and is onto our little game, so I took him into another room to feed him. He dozed off after one side, so I put my shirt back together and rejoined Ryan and the rest of the group.

About half an hour later, for some reason, I grazed my boob with the back of my hand and noticed that I didn't feel a nursing pad. I can only imagine the deer in the headlights look I had on my face at that moment.

Assuming that it had just moved out of place while I was getting settled I stealthily felt around the area to see if I could find it and slide it back into place. No luck.

Now I started to panic a little. If it wasn't in my bra then where the hell was it?

I checked Wesley's blanket, it wasn't there. I felt all around Wesley's clothes, it wasn't stuck to him either. I peeked down the neck of my shirt to see if it was stuck someplace else, no dice. I discretely checked the back of my shirt and the lap of my skirt and the floor around my chair, nothing.

All of the other new members were busy listening to the most bizarre personal introduction stories I have ever heard (I don't think our pastor was talking about detailing your chronic medical conditions and troubled marital history when he said "Take a few minutes to tell us about yourself") so I hope no one noticed me getting to second base with myself in the corner of the room.

So then I was trapped. No nursing pad if I started leaking, which was a minor problem. And no idea where it had gone, which was a bigger problem. I couldn't gracefully leave the room to look for it because someone had just started talking about how their mother had congestive heart failure and her husband asked for divorce while she was in town caring for her. What do you say? "Wow, tough break. I think there may be a sopping wet nursing pad on the floor somewhere in the other room. I'm just going to go look for it before the cat drags it off somewhere."

I poked Ryan on the arm and hissed "We have to go get Charlie soon." He checked the time and smiled. "We still have half an hour" he said, squeezing my knee affectionately, "do you want something else to drink?"

The conversation continued on a (thankfully) more upbeat topic, the Methodist theology concerning the book of Revelation (I have no idea how it came up, Methodists aren't generally End of Days kind of people. I was quite relieved that the pastor had a reasonable line of thought on the topic) and I relaxed, telling myself that I had probably just forgotten to put a nursing pad on that side before we left our house. I carefully pushed thoughts about its likely wherabouts and who might have already come across it out of my mind.

After an agonizing twenty or so more minutes of this, it really was time to go pick Charlie up. I said thank you to the host I shot out of the room to look for the missing nursing pad. It was sitting right in the middle of the seat of the chair in the living room where I had fed Wesley. I shoved it into the diaper bag and left quickly.


Sarah said...

Phew! Also, the awkward introduction cracked me up! Sounds like you're dong great :)

Sarah said...

One more thing-- "end times" more up lifting than these introductions-hahaha!

SSU said...

I could never get them to stay in a good place. As a result, I spent about 5 months wearing a vest to cover any leakage. Glad you found it before anyone else did!

Anonymous said...

I left home without them once and figured it out in the middle of dinner. Fortunately one of the other people at the table had some with her--what are the odds?

Kyla said...

"so I hope no one noticed me getting to second base with myself in the corner of the room."


Disaster averted. Good work.

sarah said...

So funny! And how awkward to have to listen to those over-sharers!!

I wonder if someone from that group has a blog and went home to write about the woman who was feeling herself up in the corner.