Friday, July 11, 2008

Please don't yell at me.

Turns out that the only place on earth that I am meek and demure is in the OB's office. Probably because I was raised to fear authority in all its forms, even when only perceived. Or maybe it's because I feel inadequate in the presence of my doctor WHO MANAGED TO FINISH HER DEGREE BEFORE MENOPAUSE.

Today was no different. I had a long list of concerns I wanted to mention during my visit. In the waiting room I reviewed them: shocking Braxton Hicks contractions, occasional stabby pain in the right ovary region, stomach acid spraying out of my esophagus while I sleep, fatigue, absentmindedness, reduced appetite, road rage, and a total lack of spatial awareness that makes things like driving and closing the refrigerator door perilous activities. The nurse called my name and led me to a room. I sat down as she opened my chart and said "Alright, do you have any concerns?"

"Me? Noooo. Well... maybe some heartburn? But it's not nearly as bad as last time. I mean, I had to sleep sitting up then. This isn't anything like that."

(vacant smile, nervous titter)

Because, you know, I hate to be a complainer!

I was immediately scared that she would tell me to eat small meals, avoid eating before bed, and to try Tums, which, yes, that works when I'm not pregnant but I've been going through a bottle of Tums every couple of weeks. I immediately started blurting phrases out like a Tourette's victim in a Kung Fu movie.

"Nexium! I took Nexium last time! Huge help! Was sleeping sitting up! Could not eat! Stomach acid! Choking! Nexium nexium nexium!"

(vacant smile, nervous titter)

When she was sure my little outburst(s) was (were) over my doctor explained that the "sphincter" between your stomach and esophagus relaxes during pregnancy and the result is that stomach acid can flow backwards and give you heartburn.

I pretended very hard that I am not the kind of person who giggles at the word "sphincter".

I succeeded because I find my doctor intimidating. Later Ryan got a good chuckle out of it (Me: "Doctor says I have a weak sphincter!" Ryan: "WHAT?!" Me: "It's a valve between your stomach and esophagus." Ryan: "Oh, because I have a sphincter in my BUTT!!").

She continued "Try to eat small meals (damn), leave plenty of sitting-up time between eating and going to bed (damn damn DAMN), and let me see if I can find you some samples of Prevacid so you're more comfortable."

My doctor, she is wise.


Rima said...

I love the fact that you included "road rage" as one of your pregnancy symptoms.

I was always like that when I went for my ob checkups. Before going in, I'd have this long list - an actual list - of very important things I wanted to discuss, but whenever my very competent but always hurried doctor finally arrived, I'd totally wuss out and be like, "I LOVE BEING PREGNANT!!!"

Art Nerd said...

omg all of it! so me! except for the prevacid- my doctor told me to drink milk. ew!

Homestead Mom said...

That's funny. I used to be nervous at the docs, especially the OB/Gyn. Then 4+ years of infertility tx for DP and me and I am like a well seasoned veteran. At my physical on Thursday, the doc finished the first part of the exam and turned her back to make some notes, and when she turned around I had pulled out the stirrups, scooted forward and was waiting there in all my glory ready for my pap. She visibly started. I cracked up. I did, however, completely forget to ask my most burning question, which was about getting the very annoying large skin tag removed from my hip. No one told me that pregnancy makes more things grow on a person than just the baby. Yucky side effect of hormones, if you ask me. So I am stuck with this for another year, since I'll be damned if I will go back just to ask about a stupid skin tag.

Kyla said...

I think everyone is afraid of the OB because of the stirrups. Intimidating.

Anonymous said...

This is why I made K go with me to all appointments....apparently he's an "adult" in these situations and will ask questions. I just sit there and grin like an idiot :) --a

sarah said...

A.) I am the exact same way with my OB.

B.) I giggled when I read "sphincter". :-)

Marianne said...

Poor thing! I hope you're feeling better.

And also, Becca --- Really, I don't think there are enough Charlie photos on your blog. ;-)

AJU5's Mom said...

I had questions for the OB - but I normally forgot them by the time I saw her - and then would remember when I left the office... I am the same way with AJU's pediatrician. Luckily none of the questions have been major things...

Unknown said...

You just made me laugh so hard I cried! Thanks, I needed that!

Andrea said...

Hahahahaha, sphincter.