A day or two after we moved in, Ryan led me onto the back patio and asked gently "Do you think that is a toy?" as he pointed at a huge red and yellow bug lying dead on the concrete. We decided that it was a toy left by one of the three boys who used to live in our house. I was content with this conclusion because, as you know, I don't DO bugs.
A week later, I was in the back yard with Charlie and my brother-in-law and two nephews. I pointed out the huge bug to my BIL and told him it was just a toy but wouldn't it be scary if it was real? I walked over and PICKED IT UP to show him (can you tell where this is going?) and found that it was not plastic, as I had expected, but distinctly organic-feeling.
Oh my gosh. If I knew how to harness the self control I displayed that day by not screaming expletives in front of my nephews and son then I could probably have finished two dissertations by now (although they did get to witness my famous stomping and hand-flapping 'I touched a big, huge, scary, dead bug' dance). I threw it back onto the patio, where it remains to this day (and where it will stay until one of us *cough* Ryan gets up the courage to go out there and fling it over the fence with a shovel).
Nothing has really changed. It's still there. It's still dead. Only now when Charlie approaches it I shriek "DON'T TOUCH THAT!" so sharply that he almost cries and I have to feed him Nilla Wafers to assuage my guilt.
Now, for those of you are tempted to tell me that I'm overreacting, that I live in the suburb of a major city for heaven's sake how scary of a bug could possibly live there? Let me tell you. This is no ant with wings. This is no huge cockroach that clicks when it walks (something that I saw IN MY DORM, an incident that very possibly is at the root of the PTSD-like symptoms I experience when I find large bugs inside, all I can say is THANK GOODNESS it was a coed dorm or I would probably still be trapped in that bathroom with only four giant roaches between me and the door to freedom [shivers uncontrollably]).
I found the bug online. Click if you dare (btw I don't live in Arkansas). Tell me you didn't pee a little when you read the words "...fast moving and aggressive titans..."