Thursday, March 27, 2008

The weather's not the only thing that's hot in South

I'm not what you would call "girly". I would consider my style to be more practical. Which means that on Charlie days I wear one of the two pairs of maternity shorts I have that fit (thank GOODNESS the old ones are too big. I'm kind of appalled that they ever fit to begin with) and, if I'm feeling pretty, a shirt with no words on it. And recently, because I haven't had a haircut since 2007, a ponytail. I know. It's time to suck it up and give someone $45 to rub my head, offer me tea, wash my hair, and make polite chit chat with me for an hour. The sacrifices we must make to look nice.

It's not that I don't care what I look like. I just lack the energy and skills to acheive that coveted "put together" look everyone else seems to find so simple. Especially when Ryan is on a business trip and I am home alone with Charlie.

It was with this mix of apathy and jealousy that I took Charlie to the neighborhood pool on Tuesday. The part of the neighborhood where the pool is located is a completely different world from where I live. The houses are grander, the cars more exotic, and the women look like freaking JCrew models.

Wisteria Lane? Think people with families only look like that on TV? You're WRONG. If I was going to go watch Charlie's swim practice, I would probably throw on a pair of shorts and a t-shirt, and carry my keys, phone, and a small cooler full of Capri Suns and pretzels. What I would NOT do is dress like I was expecting to appear on the cover of Conde Nast Traveler.

So Tuesday, there I was, sitting by the baby pool (fully clothed in a pair of khaki maternity shorts and a blue Old Navy polo shirt because baby pool! Foot and a half deep! No need for me to expose my strangely shaped early pregnancy body to the whole world! Yay baby pool!), pale, stubbly legs crossed at the ankle in the water, when in walked two of the most effortlessly beautiful women I have ever seen. Both of them with perfect highlighted hair held back by perfect designer sunglasses, tan and confident in their BIKINIS despite the fact that the adorable four month old baby they had with them clearly belonged to one of them (I wonder if she saw my head explode when I contemplated what I looked like four months post-partum).

My inner monologue shifted into snark mode, but then Charlie did something cute and one of them laughed and smiled warmly in my direction.

Then I felt frumpy and mean. And I also suddenly wanted to go work out and then have my hair highlighted.


Anonymous said...

Ignore them....they are actually horrible women who think puppies are ugly. Trust me on this. I do however recommend the haircut for the massage one yesterday...the way to find one is to find a place that affliates itself with Aveda. Oh, those women were also cyborgs. Just so you know. :) --abby

Sarah said...

Is it weird that I put the most time into my appearance on the days I go to Little Gym?

You know, I really don't think I could hack it living someplace where you just might have to be swimsuit ready practically year round. I have maybe 2 good months of sucking in my stomach and finding the best light to stand in before I say screw it and embrace ice cream season.

Anonymous said...

I was just checking out toddler swim lessons at the local YMCA this morning. So that would be me in a maternity bathing suit for an hour every Saturday morning. Maybe I should drop by and check out the other moms before I actually sign up for the lessons.

Kyla said...

I'm with Sarah. I up my game on days when I'll be around other women. Crazy, right?

Of course, my upped game still involves jeans and polos. I just make sure to wear make up and do my hair. LOL.

Dr. Maureen said...

Because everything is always all about me, this is what I read in the above post:
"blah blah blah SHORTS blah blah blah POOL blah blah blah BIKINIS blah blah blah HA HA DR. MAUREEN"

Did I not tell you to stop tormenting me with this sort of talk? Do you know what the weather was like here today? IT SNOWED.

Dr. Maureen said...

(Also, once I was able to read past the taunts about the weather, I nodded my head in agreement about the way some people dress up to take care of their kids. There's a mom in my playgroup who regularly wears dresses and heels.)

Anonymous said...

Oh oh oh... I could fill pages with my thoughs on *those* people. I've given up even trying to be friendly with them. Oh, you spent $180 on your highlights and its no biggie? Yeah, we have nothing more to say to eachother. -godmother

a. beaverhausen said...

Yeah...well...I'm not even pregnant and I feel snarky and mean when I see beautiful (and younger) women. Yes, I'm bitter.