Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Tomorrow: It's Another Day

"Bleh" is all I have to say about today.

Ryan got a call from daycare saying Charlie was miserably fussy and couldn't be calmed down and refused to eat lunch. He called me and in the twenty minutes it took him to call me and me to call daycare Charlie had had a bottle of milk and fallen asleep. I had suspected this morning that he was pretty tired, having woken up at 5:00 am and all, but he wouldn't take a nap here so I figured he was fine. So he was asleep and everything was fine. But I was worried all day. I didn't let myself leave to pick him up until 1:30 when I knew he would be waking up from his nap. When I arrived the ladies at the front desk smiled warmly and said "He's doing so much better now!!" They related all the things they had tried to make him feel better--they held him, rocked him, tried to make him laugh with toys, then finally gave him the bottle and laid him down. It makes me feel good that they were so nice to him.

Except he was still so tired that when I got him home we both slept for an hour and a half and then Charlie just wanted to cuddle on the couch with me when he woke up. He perked up eventually but he must be going through some kind of developmental thing or getting sick again.

My concentration was shot after that daycare call but even before that I was struggling with my work. I sorted out the confusion with Dr. Advisor but I am still having tons of trouble with this one thing that has been keeping me from making progress for, I'm embarrassed to say, nearly a year. Every time I think it's right and start charging ahead I find out there is a problem and I'm right back where I started. I've written most of the sections I can write without this one piece so when I get stuck on this I get really really stuck. Hard to write the Results and Conclusions chapters when there are no results or conclusions or even any freaking data for that matter.

So after a few weeks of feeling really good about what I was doing, getting twenty-eight pages of writing done and downloading job applications, I am back to feeling trapped and miserable all over again. When I feel that way I begin fantasizing about other jobs I'd like to do more. And then I think about the two years of school required for that job and I think about the--cough--nine years--cough--I have invested in what I'm doing now and I sink even deeper into the hole.

Ryan and I made a batch of snickerdoodles tonight. Tomorrow is a Charlie day. I have plans for shopping and the mall playground with friends in the afternoon.

Friday is a work day. Maybe things will make sense again then, both with my algorithm and my career path. If not, there is an ad for "doula training" in the South Parents' Guide that is looking pretty tempting (and I would be a terrible, drug pushing doula).

UPDATE****************************************************
in my mailbox this morning:

---------------------------------------------------------------------
To: Becca
From: Dr. Advisor
Subject: Re: Confusing Results

You make a valid point that requires resolution. Please send me [all the stuff you've been working on].

Dr. A
---------------------------------------------------------------------

Ha ha HAAAAH! It's good I don't work in the office next door to him anymore because he would probably have heard me doing my little happy dance.

5 comments:

Art Nerd said...

Today is going to be a GOOD DAY!

PS I would totally use you as my drug-pushing doula, if you were close to Philadelphia. What do you think, road trip?

Kyla said...

I hope today is GLORIOUS for you. And I also hope Charlie isn't getting sick again. Let's all be DONE with sick, shall we? :)

Sarah said...

A drug pushing doula-- ha! Totally. Except if I were the doula, I'd be taking a shitload of drugs myself, you know, to uncover the selfless side of me, which has to be in here somewhere!

Sounds like you ARE making progress-- 28 pages is a lot anyway you slice it. Consider a career in the humanities-- you could spend years writing about the nature of the word algorithm-- no data necessary. Well, no mathy data, anyway!

But yeah- it takes a million years over here in qualatative land, too.

Rima said...

I hope today is treating you better than yesterday. Snickerdoodles and mall outings always perk me right up.

a beaverhausen said...

Yay for good news!