Thursday, December 13, 2007

It's a bird! It's a plane! No! It's the Clogged Eustachian Tube Kid!

Wielding his trusty yellow dust pan, the Clogged Eustachian Tube Kid patrols the land of Kitchen protecting the people of South from misplaced Cheerios, important pieces of mail, and errant morsels of dog food.

Big Helper

Before venturing out he inspects his tools. The coffeepot which gives power to his sidekick, Super Mama, and the mini-chopper which is used to crush super hero food, like chicken, into tiny pieces small enough for the Clogged Eustachian Tube Kid's delicate sensibilities.

(We are nothing if not organized.)

The important work of the Clogged Eustachian Tube Kid can only be thwarted by his sworn enemy, Pediatrician Man. Pediatrician Man, with his arsenal of torture instruments like baby scales, stethescopes, and tongue depressors, is a dangerous and sinister villain capable of reducing the Clogged Eustacian Tube Kid to a miserable heap of tears. As the Clogged Eustachian Tube Kid and Super Mama are led by a henchwoman (dressed deceptively harmless looking in a shirt featuring kittens and puppies) back to Pediatrician Man's lair they shudder as they hear the screams of the innocent townspeople permeating the walls of the dungeon.

Once inside and alone, the Clogged Eustachian Tube Kid attempts to decode some of Pediatrican Man's plans, which have been carelessly left underneath the torture table. Apparently Pediatrician Man is planning something which involves Big Red Dogs and other talking creatures. The Clogged Eustacian Tube Kid makes a note that Pediatrician Man knows too much about talking animals given the many volumes of intelligence available under the torture table.

The Clogged Eustachian Tube Kid hears a knock at the door. The mere presence of Pediatrician Man is enough to sap him of his strength and composure. As a result he must rely on Super Mama to negotiate the terms of their release.

Indeed, the only hope the Clogged Eustacian Tube Kid has against this vile adversary is to affix himself to Super Mama by coating her shirt with a special bonding agent that is dispensed from his nose. Although she is normally a reliable sidekick, the Clogged Eustachian Tube Kid wonders if Super Mama has mixed allegiances because she sometimes helps to restrain him while Pediatrician Man's evil henchwomen inject mysterious liquids into his legs, robbing him of his powers.

After an encounter with Pediatrician Man, Super Mama reassures the sobbing Clogged Eustacian Tube Kid by invoking their secret phrase of power, a patronizing "Oh, you are such a big brave boy!" and then delivers him to his bunker where he can regain his power by snuggling up with his closest advisor, Mr. Phent.

After a short period of rest and a dose of the secret elixer, unsweetened applesauce, the Clogged Eustachian Tube Kid is able to protect the land of Kitchen once again.


Anonymous said...

Do I have to know what an eustachian tube is to have a kid? 'Cause if so, we may have a problem Houston :) --a

Sarah said...

Ha! Love the bonding agent!! And (Mr.) Phent's advisor status! So funny

Kyla said...

This was entirely hilarious!!