Believe it or not, when I make you wear a hat outside, it is not because I want you to be miserable. It is because I want you to be warm. And I only fasten the chin strap you hate so much because if I don't you will take it off and throw it out of my reach once we leave the driveway.
This morning, it was very cold and I wanted to do something nice, so I left the chin strap undone. You didn't know this, because I am sneaky and have secret all-knowing powers, but I waited for a few seconds outside of the car to see what you would do. When I caught you with your hat in your hands, so to speak, you were very clever to try and put it back on reeaaal quick-like so maybe I wouldn't notice that you weren't wearing it. But I could tell something was amiss by the way the hat was balled up in your hand and merely resting on top of your head.
Oh, and one more thing, when you try to take your hat off once the chin strap is fastened, you only end up unable to see (if you get your hat stuck over your eyes) or close your mouth (if you get the chin strap stuck in your mouth like a big fleecy orthodontic appliance). And, like thrown sippy cups and pacifiers, that can only be fixed if we happen to get stopped at a particularly long red light and Mama is feeling generous (and flexible).
So next time your head starts to itch and sweat, remember that it means I love you.