Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Shame.

My sister just changed careers. With my family's cheerful encouragement and support.

I'm happy for her. Her last job was ridiculous and she was miserable. And the new one sounds really neat and has lots of potential.

One question. How miserable do I have to be before I will have my family's cheerful support in making a change?

How many days have to end in frustrated tears? How many humiliating meetings with my advisor? How many creative answers to questions about my progress from well-meaning family members? How many more fake smiles and artificial conversations about how great it is to be stuck with this decision I made for myself more than four years ago, before marriage, before motherhood?

I am ashamed to want to quit. Much has been invested in me finishing. So although there is no future for me in this career in South. And we are paying for daycare though I make no income. And Charlie learned to shake his head "no" at daycare which makes me think he hears it a lot (I'm not one of those people. But it still makes me worry). I will find some way to drag myself through the rest of this process.

But it won't be for me.

7 comments:

Sarah said...

Harry says "Uh-oh" which was totally not from me-- must be his babysitter, I guess. Drives me a litte batty b/c I don't think a dropped cup is anything to fret about, KWIM?

I know what you mean about the rest.

Sarah said...

Oh yeah-- the crappiest thing about T-giving? "So, when will you be done?" If only I could answer that!

Kyla said...

Nursing? LC? Maybe one day?

Hang in there...but don't do it for the wrong reasons.

Art Nerd said...

Dude. DUDE. I so hear you, sister.

Mo said...

DUUUUDE. I hear you. Boy, do I HEAR YOU.

Check this out:
PhD Comics Etiquette

You should give me your email address.

Marianne said...

People have (finally) stopped asking me "when will you be done." Thank God. However, the uneducated members of my family keep asking me "if I'm ever going to be out of school." You know, because all I do is skip class and go to keggers. I honestly believe that it's hard to understand for people who haven't been in grad school. I also don't think most people can understand the humility, tenacity, and downright pain it takes to get a PhD. Most days, I feel like it's the worst decision I've ever made.

With that whine asside --- Becca, I wish you luck. I hope you achieve YOUR goals. At the end of the day, it's about you and what you've worked so hard for. You've got my support from afar. (I realize that sounds stupid and means NOTHING. :)

Marianne said...

Hmm... I just noticed how I spelled "aside." Totally a Freudian slip. Sorry about that.