Wednesday, October 24, 2007

When Green Goo Attacks: Mother of the Year Application Essay

Oh my goodness. We can never move out of our temporary apartment. And not just because of the orange ring of scum that's forming around Charlie's highchair.

Tonight I was on my way out and three kids were riding their scooters around in the parking lot while one mother looked on and chatted with the friendly woman who waves at Charlie every evening when she takes her dogs out when another mother walked out onto her balcony, clean plate and dishtowel in hand, and yelled "Get out of the street, right now!" at two of the scooter kids.

You may not know of my secret desire to live in a rowhouse where I can yell things out the front door at my cadre of children playing in the street. "Char-LEE! You better not be playing with that fire hydrant again!" I am fascinated by the huge family of my friend Godmother who is from Pittsburgh. I met them at Godmother's wedding and they were FUN. She said something recently about having a big Catholic family of her own one day. That sounds way better than what we would be. A "big Methodist family"? Come on!

Does anyone know how to achieve a big family without ever going through a pregnancy again? Because let's be honest, that was not a pretty time for me. And a lot of it was not fun. Feeling him move was cool, eating cookies all the time was cool, waddling was not cool.

Woah. This is going nowhere. Charlie woke up at 3:00 this morning as happy as can be--babbling, waving bye bye, pointing at the fan. He had a fever that was making him goofy. I gave him some Tylenol and he went back to sleep. When he woke up he had green goo coming from his eyes and nose. I dabbed it off and we went to Little Gym and had a great time. I attributed his slightly cranky mood to not having had a morning nap and the goo hadn't come back so I figured it was his environmental allergies. Sorry, sorry, sorry everyone else at Little Gym. After we had lunch with my dad I finally broke down and bought a new thermometer. I took his temperature in his armpit in the car while he whined and squirmed and I sang "Old Mac Charlie had a Farm" to try and keep him calm. When he finally got away from me his temperature was 99.2, but the thermometer hadn't stopped going up yet.

The doctor taught me some new baby holds that I used to hold Charlie's head steady long enough for him to look at his ears. There are not many good places to hold onto that adorable round head of his.

Guess what! First round of antibiotics didn't even touch his ear infection! And now it's in both ears! And also conjunctivitis.

Charlie remembered his manners near the end of the appointment and when the doctor was walking out the door he stopped crying, waved, and said "Bye bye!"

I think the baby holds are going to come in handy when it's time to apply the conjunctivitis ointment. We should probably put a notice on our door or something. Something like "Sorry about the noise. We are not raising wild cats in our apartment" or "Please don't call CPS. It's medicine."


Leah said...

FYI, breastmilk in the eye is also a great treatment for conjunctivitis. In case he's miserable between treatments or you just are wanting it to clear up faster..

Kyla said...

Oh no. Poor Charlie man.

There is something called the pretzel hold...or maybe I made that up. But when you are the only one at home and you have to restrain him it works great. I hate doing it, but ya know, gotta get those meds in. Anyway, sit on the floor in a V, put him between your legs, now cross them indian style over his body so he is immobilized and his arms are under your legs. BAM! No more moving. And you have one free hand to tilt his head back and one free hand to give the meds. Downside is they turn into freakish hell banshees until released. Good luck.

Great Grandma Mann said...

Every one of our 4 had"ears" with eachtooth.Then to top it off the dog had problems and it turned out to be an ear infection.Couldnt believe it.

Becca said...

Kyla, you crack me up!

Sarah said...

Poor baby-- and you-- do you have it too? and do you have to get all new eye makeup? because that would be cool-- the sliver lining, really.

Sarah said...

duh-- silver-- not sliver

Marianne said...

*Snort.* This is what I've got to look forward to, eh? FAB-U-LOUS. The waddling? I think I've done that already. Lawd.

Oh! How do you not just gobble your little guy up? He's adorable.

And Becca --- You are a dead-ringer for my niece! That is such a compliment, as you both are lovely!

wordgirl said...

Row houses! Me, too! Do you ever think about the different ways moms in row houses called their kids in for dinner? Some screamed like fishwives and some whistled. Others used a cowbell. Come to think of it, I merely lived on a suburban cul-de-sac and there were parents who employed all of those methods. Anyway...I hope the green goo goes away soon.