To: Doctor Advisor
Subject: Today's Presentation
I will not be able to present my recent research today as planned due to the following reasons:
1. Period. Yuck. (and also, what the hell? Am I just going to be fatigued and nauseous for the rest of my life? Is that my baseline now? Because that paired with an irregular cycle is enough to freak me right out of drinking three cups of coffee a day at least a week out of every month. And then I get NOTHING done.)
2. Ryan took the last of the pizza that I was going to eat for lunch today.
3. My breastpump isn't working and I don't have any shirts big enough to make me not look like a hooker.
3. There was a cockroach in my school bag and I will not have access to any of my notes until Ryan comes home and determines that it is safe to bring it back inside from the back yard where I threw it (while shrieking "shitshitshitshitshit").
4. COCKROACH. IN MY BAG.
I need to lie down.