I'm only allowing myself five minutes for this post so no complaining about typos, run-on sentences, etc.
I had a long talk with Dr. Advisor Monday evening after our usual meeting. I had Charlie with me. I brought him to work and paid a friend in Sonic gift cards to watch him for an hour during our regular meeting. The friend had to leave and Dr. Advisor still wanted to talk to me some more so I held Charlie and he fell asleep and everything was fine. Then the meeting was still going on when Charlie woke up hungry. I felt like the meeting was really important because we were finally talking about the elephant in the room (me not getting anything accomplished so far this semester), so I just fed Charlie right there in the meeting. Not weird at all! Nope. No sirreee bob. Dr. Advisor was super nice to me and I admitted that I really don't want a prestigious job because it would take too much time away from my family and all that. He agreed and said I was doing the right thing. I also told him that I still wanted to finish my degree and that that is my goal and I am committed and he said that's good and aknowledged what a difficult position I am in because I have all these things (Ryan, Charlie) that are more important than my dissertation that take time and that I'm not the kind of person who could just walk away from all the work I've put into my degree so far (oh but you are wrong there!). He told me he couldn't push me too hard because he really believes that I am doing the right thing by supporting my family at the expense of my dissertation. I said "that's very nice of you to say but at this rate I will never finish" and he said "that's true what can we do." Anyway it all boils down to him being way way way too nice to me and me feeling really guilty and that might be just the motivation I need because yesterday I got a ton more done than normal. I cried all the way home and most of that evening because I certainly don't deserve such an understanding advisor and I am so lucky and all I have been doing is bitching about how I hate everything and I don't really have anything to hate.
That was Monday. Yesterday like I said went really well, I was able to focus and work and not get distracted. And then last night I found a good looking job at a small university and sent in an application online. Because I have learned nothing and apparently someone else was talking when they said "I don't want a full time job." Oh well, I think this one has summers off and it is teaching only so it would not be as intense as a regular faculty job in some ways. Plus I am barely qualified and I don't think anything will come of it and it only took an hour to do the application so really I have nothing to lose.
Five minutes is up, see you later!