Sunday, October 22, 2006
Thoughtless remarks welcome here!
I'm going to assume that my belly hypnotizes people, causing a Tourette's-like condition where they blurt out whatever is on their mind before they have a chance to run it through the old common-sense-o-meter. For example this morning I was walking down the hall at my church (returning to Sunday School from the bathroom if you can believe that) when I saw a friend coming the other direction. When the friend saw me she puffed out her cheeks and started walking with an exaggerated waddle, then laughed hysterically at her own little joke as she passed me. She didn't even say "Hi!"!!!! Just paused long enough to point out that I am giant and walk like some kind of freakish pimp-gorilla combination and then she was on her way. Example number two happened yesterday. A friend of a friend who I'd met about five minutes earlier asked if I was planning on being induced (is it really appropriate for strangers to ask my plans for my uterus?). I sensed something in the way she asked that told me I should just lie so we could continue having a nice lunch, but I am dumb, so I told the truth. "Yes, I am," I replied "because the baby is big." She made an awful face and said "Oh! Well I hope you go into labor naturally before then because induced labor hurts SO MUCH worse than natural labor. I just don't know why they induce anyone. I mean, ultrasound weight estimates are wrong all the time, I'm sure your baby only weighs about 7.5 pounds." Then looked at me expectantly, as though I should be thanking her for her sage medical advice (which was based on five minutes of casual chit-chat over German sausage and potatoes). Instead I smiled and said "Well my parents have already bought plane tickets, so..." Needless to say, THAT conversation was OVER. Guess Scary McScares-a-lot can't take a joke. I think I will stay inside for the next week and a half. I don't know how much longer I can be polite